Friday, 30 April 2010

While out walking

Can you write a 55 word story or poem? Then visit

 

I
sit here
without you
alone but for
the splash and gurgle
of our shiny river.
Above me the mountain waits
snow tipped, and bubbling clouds as when
we first met, thinking it was the love,
that sings as birds waken the morning sun.
But you only wanted rest, to gather strength for another’s song.

Random Word: River

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31 comments:

  1. Unknown30 April 2010 at 10:51

    Thanks for the invite to drop by. This was really lovely. Do you mind if I adopt the format for some of my poetry? I could definitely use the challenge!

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  2. anthonynorth30 April 2010 at 11:22

    Bitter sweet. Very nicely done.

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  3. Stan Ski30 April 2010 at 11:50

    That's good - you could do it this way every time, that would make interesting reading.
    I've done similar pieces, with 6,7,8 lines. I didn't realise it was a recognised form.

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  4. JStar30 April 2010 at 12:14

    I love this 55!!!

    Check mine out
    http://msjstar1275.blogspot.com/

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  5. Hootin Anni30 April 2010 at 12:33

    My gosh John....this is one of the best ever. How talented you are.

    Mine this week is DOUBLE STANDARD As always, scroll down a bit, below my Friday's Show n Tell.

    Have a super weekend fellow 55'r!!

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  6. Peter Stone30 April 2010 at 12:39

    Thanks so much for sending me the correct link, now I understand your comment about meter and verse.

    And wow, this is so bitter sweet, really wrenches at the heart strings.

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  7. Unknown30 April 2010 at 13:27

    amazing... well done!
    hugs
    shakira

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  8. Yvonne Osborne30 April 2010 at 13:44

    This makes me sad, in a bittersweet way.

    An interesting format and a challenge no poet could resist. Thanks!

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  9. dustus30 April 2010 at 14:11

    Well done! Like what you've done with the form. Thanks for sharing.

    That Pain

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  10. Linda Bob Grifins Korbetis Hall30 April 2010 at 14:54

    very carefully cooked!
    I like it!

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  11. Eaton Bennett aka Berenice Albrecht30 April 2010 at 15:10

    You used this form very cleverly to spin your sad tale. Very nicely done!
    Thanks so much for visiting my 55.

    Eaton. :))

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  12. who30 April 2010 at 15:13

    It's good. I was always seriously impressed by how good the actual writing was, by everyone. I honestly don't know much about writing, I just knew I liked the way it read.

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  13. Akelamalu30 April 2010 at 15:23

    Oh very nicely done!

    Thanks for stopping by to read my 55 and taking the time to comment. :)

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  14. A Daft Scots Lass30 April 2010 at 15:51

    Nicely written!!!

    Thanx for stopping by my blog.

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  15. Ed & Jeanne30 April 2010 at 16:16

    I like it. Sad at the end though but a good twist.

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  16. PattiKen30 April 2010 at 16:37

    Interesting form of poetry. You did a wonderful job telling a bittersweet story with it.

    Thanks for visiting my 55.

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  17. steveroni30 April 2010 at 17:18

    OUTSTANDING, John! Now I have to go and try the "syllable" thing.

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  18. The Turning Point30 April 2010 at 17:32

    Thanks for invite. I had heard but needed yours to try out.

    Yours was wonderful, like it like it

    Jim

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  19. Anonymous30 April 2010 at 17:44

    Our 55's are similar this week, though I didn't include love in mine.

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  20. Monkey Man30 April 2010 at 18:49

    Very touching and with such strong visuals. Great 55 and thanks for visiting mine.

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  21. Anonymous30 April 2010 at 19:32

    This is wonderful. I love it :) Very bittersweet my friend. But excellent. :)I really liked it :)

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  22. Kristine30 April 2010 at 20:34

    beautiful. very descriptive and touches the heart of the river. As the others say- bittersweet.. have a great spring weekend.

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  23. Andy Sewina1 May 2010 at 00:11

    Very nice poetry, I'd lose the form though!

    aka Andy Sewina

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  24. Anonymous1 May 2010 at 00:35

    Oh, wow. This is so beautiful and what a challenging way to piece it together. I like how you made the form your own with that last line. I've always resisted counting out syllables, but maybe I should give it a try.

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  25. Felicitas1 May 2010 at 00:54

    John, this piece is REALLY beautiful and well done!

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  26. SandyCarlson1 May 2010 at 03:00

    Having been the Filler of the Gap, I feel this through and through.

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  27. G-Man1 May 2010 at 03:34

    And sing again it will...
    Excellent 55 John.
    Thank you for visiting, thank you for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

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  28. moondustwriter1 May 2010 at 21:29

    just like a country song

    sing it in 55

    thanks

    I'm at http://moondustwriter.com

    Cheers and happy weekend

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  29. Me2 May 2010 at 01:06

    This is beautiful, both in meaning and form.

    Thanks for commenting on my 55 as well. Have a great weekend.
    -C

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  30. Linda Bob Grifins Korbetis Hall2 May 2010 at 20:30

    http://itistimetothinkformyself.blogspot.com/2010/05/jingles-may-followers-award.html

    some May awards,
    Happy Sunday!

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  31. KB8 May 2010 at 03:11

    Aww, where's my hanky?

    ReplyDelete

Welcome and thanks for dropping in. I'll pop by yours by and by.

This blog was inspired by First 50 words where you freewrite from a single word prompt. I use random words or images to create flash fiction in formats ranging from twitter postcards to short short stories.

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