Saturday, 25 July 2009

You got to have a dream

‘I want to go to Mars, now!‘ Jessie stamped

her foot and had the air of a scream building


.....‘But baby youse can only do that in story

books,’ said Mama Sue, feeling all of her

seventy years.

.....‘Well I’m going’, Jessie said.

.....And she did—fifty years later

Fundraising for the Moon

Bored by working the crowd for funds, Pete

caught a glimpse of the news …
Crash. The

TV broke into fragments. It was a lesson.

Rules were rules. Missing the moon

landing was a consequence of poor school


......He had learned, it’s why he founded the Children Matter Helpline.

Sunday, 19 July 2009

When its right

If he woke up at dawn, he loved to just

watch her and pull aside the sheets, not for

sex that would come when it came, but to

trace his fingers over her tan-lines and feel

even in old age the wonder that she of all women could love him.

First drive

The car engine cranked and then roared

into life, zooming the car out of the driveway

into screeching traffic. A van clipped the

side spinning it back into the garden.

.....Recovering her breath, Ma Jones hit the

instructor with her umbrella. 'You see that's what happens when you don't explain.'

When you visit the wrong optician

‘Your refit is ready sir.’

.....The first visit resulted in a wrong prescription, an

incorrect lens fitting and a damaged frame.

.....Jack drove to the store that had boasted being the

best in town. A huddled conversation, suggested

‘third time lucky, sir?’

.....No he said,’ its once bitten twice shy.’

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Old dogs can learn

Before the press of black key boards, confuse

Always think back to your school days Grandpa.

Surely, you can remember paper so blank

It left you with wonder at what could be.

Consider it the same and imagine.

Nay lad, Paper

On day wer bad

Switch on and move over.

Monday, 13 July 2009

Remember the power of silence

‘Yes, we race to remember our dead’, said Paul

panting—the picture of bronzed health. He was the

centre of admiring glances by most of the women and

the occasional man in the crowd. Smiling, the minister

just looked up and asked quietly, ‘ but how do you

remember life?’

Sunday, 12 July 2009

The last chance saloon

The bar was almost empty but the Juke Box was belting

out Cash singing, You are my Sunshine.

..... 'Have you saved the last dance for me', Jake asked.

Putting her bottle down, Kate said, 'I reckon I have.'

.....As he held her, he prayed she would make it to


Lovers tiff

‘Do you love me,’ asked Gertrude, looking up at Basil.

.....‘Like a Dragonfly, whose bright bejewelled looks

enchanted me from our first meeting.’

.....Gertrude looked up sharply. ‘Dragonflies only live

a few days—is this how long our love has?’

.....Basil’s hesitation was to him nerves but to her


Every cloud has a sliver lining

'I am afraid that the sperm tests confirm


.....'Yor what Doc?', Keith said looking confused.

.....The Doctor, in his best bedside manner, said, 'it

means that your gun only shoots blanks.'

.....Keith, smiling, said, 'Can I have that in writing?

.....'Yes but why?' It’s my licence for shag heaven.'

Friday, 10 July 2009

Whatever love is

Nora lived lets pretend: marriage, love,

Saturday night sex, all for show. A sham

that kept neighbours and family happy. Ah,

bless look at the newlyweds they said,

except he liked men and she turned a blind

It was easier to play couples then ask

whose rules, whose lies.

When do you get old?

'Your dad is so old; he can remember what

he was doing when the first black President

was elected.'

.....'Yeath but your mum is so old, she still

has vidpics of the clone Michael Jackson


.....Listening to the argument, Mike

wondered when his memories had slipped into being history.

Get the words right

'Oh, I say what a corker of a black eye,' Bertie

said, cracking a grin.

.....'Yes laugh when a chap is down,' said

Rodders. 'I
have been wacked by the fair


.....'Got too near the knicker line what?'

.....'No I said she was worth mucking with,

and she

On a winter's day

It was the sunshine on his shoulders that

made him cry. He never cri
ed but here he

was blubbering worse then a Barbie doll

The coffin slide down into the grave,

a clatter of dislodged soil disturbing a robin.

Clutching his son, he felt the warmth as her


Sisterly Love

'He's the sort that thinks he can walk on

sunshine,' Marjorie said, reaching for a


.....Helen tutted. 'Now you now what the

doctor said.'

..... 'I thought we were discussing

your mistakes in men, not my waistline.'

.....'Naturally'. Helen said in a light tone, before looking away. One…two… three…

Sunday, 5 July 2009

Schools out for life

The start was Sam's rush through country

lanes so he could pose for us in the cloak

and knee breeches uniform of the school.

His Hogwarts pa
radise. The end was

yesterday's party-time where the dawn rose

over farewells to friends closer than family—time deciding who fades to yearbook


Saturday, 4 July 2009

Guess who is cooking dinner

As they waited for the door to open, Jane said,

'And in no circumstance mention the mashed


.....Tim already nervous, squeaked 'Why'

.....Jane rolled her eyes. 'Mum mashes spuds

with the skin on but Dad mashes peeled.

.....'State a preference and the other will pull

the plug on us'

Hidden danger of lust

The ice-cream man tolls his bell for the

living—and the walking dead. The living run

for cold heaven, the dead to plead for sleep.

And one will gain peace if a living child's lust

for ice-cream distracts leaving a car and a

smiling fading wraith their last living memory.

High School Drama

'You never getting any of these dumplings,

you hear.'

.....'Suits me I like to feel peaches not sacks

of corn.'

.....'Yes well I like a man who can see

beneath his belly without a mirror.'

.....'Very droll, but could we keep to Shakespeare's script for The Taming of the Shrew.'

Once in New Orleans

From her table, Rachel heard Saul say, in

his usual God's-gift-to-women voice, 'New

Orleans is jazz history—'

.....Turning to Pablo she said, 'Its one of his

trailer-trash pickups.'

.....Pablo glanced over and said, 'Hmm. great package.

.....Rachel looked back over. 'Believe me his package ain't great,' she said loudly.

Children learn what they are taught

Gallop, gallop little horsie until the castle is


The children played below as the adults

talked—it was going badly.

astle, castle let down your gates for the


Fists slammed and dire threats echoed off walls.

Not on your chinny, chin, chin

Soon the children fought for real.

You find the God you seek

'Pray to Saint Catalina and she will cure you of the plague.'

the Friar said, fleeing
the pleading sick.

.....She raged that death was visiting her and not the Church.

.....That her survival became the miracle of Tunmoor was an

irony not lost on her as she
committed to Luther.

Life cycles

'I could have saved the world had they listened,' was his last thought as he died.

.....Cites from Memphis to Moscow burned

in crackled silence—the screams long

gone. Soon the smoke would draw the long

winter in.

Life would have to claw up again to fill

the empty spaces.

What are lips for?

'I want to kiss a Blackman,' Freda said at

Friday teatime—on Wedn
esday and

Monday,the colour was different.

.....The other residents learned to ignore


.....Her daughters from travelling had married a rainbow of men. On weekends, the

husband bowed so Freda could say hello with a kiss.

Salon Gossip

'That man is so vulgar,' Lady Vera said, picking a sorbet.

Lady Genève, declining, said, 'Do say more.'                                      

'Well, I understand that his invitation rests on Lord Halifax being too near the stench of financial scandal.'                                 

'No friend, they live the crime not fit to be named.'

‘You mean—’




If you want to listen, click on below

Friday, 3 July 2009

Only the eyes

auidioboo 'It’s the eyes I slash first. I likes the squishing noise made.'

The writing circle went quiet.

‘Writing stops me feelin gloomy like. If it's on paper, it like it's not real anymore.'

'Yes thank-you, so any feedback for Sandy?'

Nothing moved, except for eyes tracking where his hand was

If you want to listen, click on below

Who watches the watchers?


'Heretics are to be hairless, sire.' He would wake up feeling the hairy body.

‘Is this Scriptural, Humboldt?’

‘It’s Cain's mark, sire’. holding him down… fingers exploring

‘So why now this token of shame?’

’It is the Lord's will that the sinful are known’.... teaching him sinful pleasure.



If you want to listen, click on below

Love at a fat camp

'Stretch, campers. Feel the burn.'

Heart booming, Eddie stood thinking so

this is the best a man gets.

A velvet voice interrupted, 'Buy us a

soda, big boy,'

Turning round he saw breasts you slept

under and a rear fit for a week's hike. They tonsil wrestled on the way.

Does love travel with baggage

'I hate you more…more …than double maths,' Annabel said, slamming out.

Betty just looked at Carl daring him to say anything. Who wants to be step-mom, Betty thought, as she lit up.

'Baby she's gonna love it, Just give her time.'

Betty gave Carl the look and made her decision.

Dracula by radio

Dracula: 'Bare to me your white virgin throat,'

sounds of flapping curtains

Virginal teen: 'Oh get real you old perve.'

Dracula: 'Why I have--'

Virginal teen: 'You ain't eating for free granddad.'

Dracula: 'And your price.'

bed creaking as he sits

Virginal teen:'Now we are in talksville.'

Thursday, 2 July 2009

The politics of cucumbers

'The EU says that all cucumbers have to be straight.'

'Has to be sexed up?', the press officer said.

'You know what I mean.'

'What about Wimbledon straw—'

'Do you actually know about the EU?'

'It ruins Parliament.'

'I think, you'll find that Parliament does fine by itself.'

What do you get if you don't remember?

'Before they had recordings people didn’t remember old dude's music,' Paul said, to the class...'

The teacher started to frown.

'...When Beethoven was the top man, they forgot Mozart to make space'

Thank you Paul.'

Not listening, Paul said, 'I mean, who don’t we get because of old dudes space?