Idle Hands

140 character story – drop by to Grandma's Goulash to leave your own.

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She left a job in finance

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Size does matter

‘I want a square coffin  so I’m buried in my wheelchair.’

Without a pause, the undertaker, said, ‘Naturally sir.’

Harry snapped back  ‘I’ll have that in writing.’

As Franklin Funerals  said after their victorious court case, ‘ It was square, we just had to chop things to get everything in.’

 

Random Word: The Cut

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Let the customer decide

 

 

Doing a pitch, as the plane still burned, wasn't ideal but Al saw an opportunity. However, Prof Barry when approached about investing in the Philly BreadMaker just reached for his suitcase gun.

As the gun was cocked, Harry sneered, ‘Jesus, you East coast boys are so up your own asses.’

 

  Random Word: Bread Maker

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Careful what you work for

 

 

For Al work always came first so he wore his mistletoe hat with the ‘kiss if free’ label. Worked fine until Mr Jones, his boss, puckered up.

Random Word: Mistletoe

 

 

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You never know

Image maker: Sean Hickin

Bert, bored selling organic veg, was suddenly poked.

‘Why you not pray?

Looking up, he saw an old lady dressed in black, spluttering, he said, ‘P-p-pardon?’

‘You pray.’

‘But, but I’m a greengroce–‘

‘Look, you minister.’

As he said from the pulpit most Sundays, ‘God, moves in mysterious ways, like.’

Random Word: Eating Organic

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And the word was made so

 

 

The IT CEO said ‘Make me a poet.’

Many tried until Al wrote a cool algorithm. It was years before the zombie code,using his poems,was found.

 

 

Random Word: Algorithm

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No means no

‘The stage manager won’t buy it.’

Red wanted to sing his Hot Love hit from a bed in flames.

‘Who pays his wages, sack the bleeder and make it appened.’

It was a great success right up to where Red was supposed to leap off. Someone had superglued his boots.

Random Word: Burning Bed

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Blimey, put a sock in it

Random Word: Extol

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and for dessert sir?

 

Mike hated pancakes.

He'd hear his mother, out on some mountain, as she cooked with a smelly primus stove, saying 'You'll appreciate them more.'

As he got older, he'd find any excuse to eat out. So at her grave, he thanked her for inadvertently helping him become a food critic.

Random Word: Pancakes

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She wrote about love, an’ she wrote about leaving

 

 

 

‘I collect singers.’

Kate thought afterwards, she should have left but she laughed, ‘You mean songs.’

Ben had just smiled and played the piano for her to sing, Send in the Clowns.

Then it happen. He’d got up, and pulled her close. 

Her kids and husband forgotten, she kissed first.

 

 

 

  Random Word: Balloons

 

 

 Image Maker: Lori Foxworth

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Don't find fault. Find a remedy.

 

Argon wanted a slave - tongueless - for secrets had leaked. But none had the right skills. Eventually, a suitable slave was found but intact yet late tongue removal was risky.

His wife whispered the solution.

Now at sunrise, she gasps contently and the slave knows how not to tongue-wag,

Random Word: Sunrise Skies

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Live a dream, play dead

 

Jenny was dead, murdered, they discovered. The bullet hole in the head was a clue. But it was missed as the hotel was auditioning for Murder Mystery corpses. She was offered the job but as they told the police, it was later withdrawn as they found she was over qualified.

Random Word: What if

 

 

 

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To be aristocratic in Art one must avoid common society

 

 

 

Lady Smyth was horrified to see who the poetry reader was. It was the Stephen Fry debacle again, only this one was gay and an Australian.

 

 

 

Random Word: Austral

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Expectation is the root of all heartache

 

A bumptious fool

I met but once

as I, a step

on the ladder rung

of his ambition's tarnished soul

as he climbed to his pottage of gold.

 

Random Word: Bumptious

 

 

Image created by R.Myers

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Like The Way I Do

 

The judge asked, ‘Are you married or just one plus one?’

May, taken aback, said,‘What’s this to do with the case?’

‘I’ll not have fornicators in my court.’

‘It’s of no concern if I’m married so can we continue?’

She signalled Carla to keep quiet. One battle, at a time.

 

 

Random Word: one plus one

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A calling calls

  Image creator: Luis Montemayor

Funerals made Mike’s head throb whilst weddings made him puke. And as for touching water…So the street Angel saying be a priest was a worry.

Random Word: Steadfast

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The spell of landmarks

 

Mrs Shorthouse asked, ‘Do you sell dreams? I’m in urgent need of one on onions for a nightmare recipe.’

‘S'il vous plaît  Madame  répétez.’

She fished out her spell book but, unfortunately, it was the silent edition.

‘Madame?’

Annoyed, she turned him into a tower. I believe it’s still there.

 

Random Word: Red onions

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Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar

 

 

 

A famous Freudian psychiatrist wrote about mountains as a keen mountaineer but his class knew it was just latent homosexual sublimation.

 

 

 

Random Word: Psychologist

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In the empty morning, a magnum is all he's got

 

 

‘I can see fingerprints in water and fiery steeds.’ The traffic cop looked at his boss, looked again and started to back away slowly.

 

Random Word: Fingerprints

 

 

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