Vacation

Holiday may start Friday,
if the Sun flickers.
Camping for the faint hearted.

Contemplating Middle-Age.

I wish the...

Once
we hadexcitement,
passion and sex.
Now its IKEA,
and Saturday nights in.
Clothes shrink, secret snacks,oh joy.He, Adonis sags and bounceswhere once I could sit and have hard fun.
I wish the razzle-dazzle bungeed back.

An Evening Out With The Boys

I love the...

Do you think, the dress flatters my figure?

Oh sweetheart I love the dress, it narrows the shoulders so well.

What breasts should I wear?

Ooh, well I think we go for soccer ball size; it will take attention off the feet. But, flesh coloured stilettos way too Paris darling.

Waiting

Mary smoothed down her dress, looked at the door and sat at the table: 'Could either of you pass the lasagne please; I need to save some for Dad.'

Not even taking his eyes away from the pinging phone, the teenage boy reached over and passed the glass dish over.

Slamming her knife down, Liz, in a bathrobe with hair still wet said, 'Mother, stop playing this game.'

She was ignored and a smile of sorts was sent over to the boy with a,'Thank-you, Tom.'

Calmly, the girl spoke again, 'Mother, I am speaking to you.'

Sighing, and reluctantly putting his phone down Tom looked over to Liz, 'Sis, stop the be true to your feelings crap and let Mom alone. You’re ruining dinner.'

Mary, hand trembling just looked at both their faces and  silently began to eat not listening as tears fall.

Oh the horror of when men did lunch

'I am afraid that only a lunch of cold meats with bread and cheese was laid. I had thought our husbands would dine at their club.'

'Sister, you know that the Prince of Wales joining Lady Blenheim’s luncheon has made it all the go.'

'Yes, what must the Queen think?'

Before smart phones

Mike, sank his pint, burped and then said, 'I tell you, it’s true. Starting in California a gang of auto, petrol and tyre companies, destroyed trolley-car systems in 45 cities.

Bill, thought about this, and on his way to the bar, asked, 'So why does San Francisco still have one?'

Chocolate Addict

You are a chocoholic when:

1. what chocolate Brad Pitt eats is more important then his biceps; 

2. what you wear matches your favourite chocolate bar colours; 

3. your portable picnic chill pack is for chocolate only; and 

4. finding the secret bar has gone walkabout, means you go akilling