Visit Mr.Knowitall to do your own 55 word story or poem!
eggs sit on my desk
shells broken
with toast half eaten
it’s yet another morning
cold like all the others
the phone blinks unwanted
as a fly rests
and is watched
while tea is sipped
an old comfort
downstairs no radio
now blares music
the letter sits discarded
and the clock is silent
forever stopped
Random Word: A cold one
Technorati Tags: Relationship Blues. The morning after
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That's disturbing. Well written.
ReplyDeleteVery melancholy. Nice!
ReplyDeleteYou set an intriguing scene there.
ReplyDeletewow,
ReplyDeletevery good rhythms...
nice 55.
interesting...i like it. it gave me the feel of sitting there numb jjust taking in all the surroundings....nice 55.
ReplyDeletemine is uP!
Nicely written buddy, I enjoyed your 55 words..
ReplyDeleteYours Frendly,
Saravana Kumar M
Very moving! Lovely yet sad.
ReplyDeletechilly..
ReplyDeleteloneliness defined...
ReplyDeleteyou managed to catch this lonely feeling so very well - nice 55
ReplyDeleteThis is a well done description of a sad (and all too common, I fear) scene. Like many, I've been there. I remember my face being a little numb.
ReplyDeleteWow, yea, a numb morning. Enjoyed it! Nice 55
ReplyDeleteSuch a melancholy 55.
ReplyDeleteYou made time stand still with this one... I know the feeling; had a few mornings like that once upon a time.
ReplyDeleteA big real of quiet sadness. Excellent visuals and I like the black and white pic. it really set the stage!
ReplyDeleteDid someone die here?
ReplyDeleteWhat a freaky scene...
Excellent 55 though.
In fact one of todays best so far!
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G
Let that not happen to me...
ReplyDeleteMine here
for some reason I get the eerie sensation of a suicide being contemplated. why would I think such a thing?
ReplyDeleteYou created a mood here of foreboding, and loneliness. Makes me want to know more of the story. Nicely done! And thanks for stopping by at Life is Good.
ReplyDeleteWow, what a moment, what a day to face. Such a character and situation in so few words -- I loved reading it even with the mood being so dark. It drew me in.
ReplyDeleteThe day after....it comes to us in so many ways...this time, not a good day but tomorrow is always better.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by this morning and visiting with me.
Very sparse and clear.
ReplyDeletethe story unfolds and the letter discarded wraps it up. I often think of clocks in my poetry, you've captured the moment of closing the door on an ending.
Sad...yet so descriptive.
ReplyDeleteSometimes no distractions and lonliness is just what we need...Lovely 55!
ReplyDeleteA Dear John letter :)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely, this is not a happy poem - I am left feeling sad and wondering what it all means, what has happened. Very well done.
ReplyDeleteJohn, well written. I felt the heart numbing loneliness of your character. I always thought I wanted more time to myself... until I got it.
ReplyDeleteCee
That's a cold 55
ReplyDeletehey I'm psyched to see you follow One Stop Poetry
thanks! We appreciate how well we have been received
Smiles from the moon
I read this twice...not quite grasping the first time what it was all about. There is an aloneness in here..thought provoking with such deep emotion..yet it sucks you in!! I loved it...very skilfull writing. I will be coming back for more. Thanks so much for sharing!! ~ Amanda x
ReplyDeleteYour words have conjoured up such a lonely and empty exitence very well
ReplyDeleteI love the use that you have put ordinary words to in that on their own you think nothing of them but together they creat such a void becuase you know what they are what they mean
"eggs sit on my desk
shells broken
with toast half eaten
it’s yet another morning
cold like all the others"
Came back thru to read this again. You can read it several ways. The first time was death the second was death of a relationship
ReplyDeleteNicely done
Thanks for linking up with One Shot Poetry
Moon Smiles
Ack... that was a moving one..
ReplyDeleteI hate stopped clocks.. I somehow feel they scream louder that those blaring alarms! And their screams are much colder too...
Your poem was the nerve chilling!! You've narrated this sad story to perfection!
hi, been away and am busy catching up on all the wonderful posts to One Shot..this was sad but so well written..thanks for the share..cheers Pete
ReplyDelete