An Evening Out With The Boys

I love the...

Do you think, the dress flatters my figure?

Oh sweetheart I love the dress, it narrows the shoulders so well.

What breasts should I wear?

Ooh, well I think we go for soccer ball size; it will take attention off the feet. But, flesh coloured stilettos way too Paris darling.

Waiting

Mary smoothed down her dress, looked at the door and sat at the table: 'Could either of you pass the lasagne please; I need to save some for Dad.'

Not even taking his eyes away from the pinging phone, the teenage boy reached over and passed the glass dish over.

Slamming her knife down, Liz, in a bathrobe with hair still wet said, 'Mother, stop playing this game.'

She was ignored and a smile of sorts was sent over to the boy with a,'Thank-you, Tom.'

Calmly, the girl spoke again, 'Mother, I am speaking to you.'

Sighing, and reluctantly putting his phone down Tom looked over to Liz, 'Sis, stop the be true to your feelings crap and let Mom alone. You’re ruining dinner.'

Mary, hand trembling just looked at both their faces and  silently began to eat not listening as tears fall.

Oh the horror of when men did lunch

'I am afraid that only a lunch of cold meats with bread and cheese was laid. I had thought our husbands would dine at their club.'

'Sister, you know that the Prince of Wales joining Lady Blenheim’s luncheon has made it all the go.'

'Yes, what must the Queen think?'

Before smart phones

Mike, sank his pint, burped and then said, 'I tell you, it’s true. Starting in California a gang of auto, petrol and tyre companies, destroyed trolley-car systems in 45 cities.

Bill, thought about this, and on his way to the bar, asked, 'So why does San Francisco still have one?'

Chocolate Addict

You are a chocoholic when:

1. what chocolate Brad Pitt eats is more important then his biceps; 

2. what you wear matches your favourite chocolate bar colours; 

3. your portable picnic chill pack is for chocolate only; and 

4. finding the secret bar has gone walkabout, means you go akilling

If its too good to be true...

‘You set up some save the earth shit blog and play the compassionate-love-all-nature guru. Get the marks blissed then drop the stomach cancer bomb and as they deep-mouth drop hints about medical bills. Once cashed you post the skull-and-crossbones note and close the site. You’ll milk money I tell you.’

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Dinner was Late

The old house was great for hiding away in; it had nooks where other houses had en-suite. Shirley squatted, the pain would come later but the bleeding lip still dripped. She could hear him yelling, pleading, whispering,’Sugar, where are you.’ She knew from the tone when to come out

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Bedtime

 




‘So McCoy gets out of prison, only to discover the cost: robbing another bank! The Sheriff has set him up to take the rap but McCoy turns the table and...’

‘You are not seeing The Getaway and that’s final.’

’Ah, Mum it’s not fair, all my friends can.’

’Bed. Now!’

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How to lose a job

‘You know what the bloody hell you are!’

 ‘I own a company that’s run by value-based management, built from 360-degree feedback. On my watch, we have the ambition to deliver world-class financial performance and be acknowledged as a value exemplar.’ 

‘Bollocks, that just means you are an old-fashioned asset stripper

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The bread of life soon toasts you

Once I baked bread, as a hippy happy boy-man with Red flag dreams. Then bread was farm milled flour, mountain water, free range yeast and oak board pounding. For factory bread was capitalist mass trickery. The fall came with Polish Jewish Double Rye and baguettes with dusted flour. Now I buy bread, a hippy happy man-boy with Red flag dreams.

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Free the Inner you

Girls, be true to yourself. If it's working for you, you'll know. But if you are in daily pain and sadness, as a Piscean you have negative creativity.

Channel and free your inner energy with the 10-week course, Writing to hug Friends with words. 

Remember, when you love yourself, the world loves you.